This may well be the bloggy equivalent of drunk-calling a friend after a bad date, but as I’ve never done that I figure I’m allowed this one.
I am hoping for some advice.
I had a panic attack earlier this evening. Or a heart attack. It was hard to tell at the time, but since I find myself still standing now, if a bit shaky, I figure it was the former. Ok, ok, if I’m being honest, and serious, and without getting too touchy-feely-sharey, I had a whole string of panic attacks a few years back so I know that’s what this was.
Because … and this is where you all laugh your arses off at me … I’m in a reading funk. I just can’t. December is a busy month for most people, I know, and ours has been no exception. We’ve had our fair share of extra-curricular activity: errands to run, people to see, parcels to deliver, meals to make … yaddah yaddah yaddah. And since the beginning of the month I’ve not picked up anything I could get into. China Mieville’s The Scar currently lies waiting on my desk upstairs where I left it at page 125. Bird Box by Josh Malerman has been abandoned by the fireplace. Monstress by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda is on the bedroom windowsill, along with Sy Montgomery’s The Soul of an Octopus and Peter Ackroyd’s Tudors. I tried to start a children’s book this morning on the bus ride to work in the hope that something easier would grab me, but nope. I read the first two chapters, but I don’t know what I read. Nothing went in.
And I really need reading. I mean, I love it, I get a kick out of it, but I also need to be able to leave the real world behind and lose myself in the pages of a book.
It’s starting to wig me out that I can’t do that at the moment. If I were to write out exactly what’s going through my mind right now it goes something like this: What the hell is going on? I love to read and need to read and I need it now and I don’t want to relax and wait and see what happens because there are so many books and so little time as it is and January is Vintage SciFi Month and I already had a rough plan of what I was going to read for that and I had plans for the rest of the year and I have a tantalising pile of books that should all be making me feel bubbly and excited and are instead making me feel panicky/despairing in about equal measure.
So that’s what’s going on with me. How’re you doing?
Please … please, if you have any sort of advice I’d really appreciate it. I know I haven’t been around much the last couple of months and that I’ve not caught up on all your awesome posts and that I’ve no right to expect advice therefore, but I’d be grateful for anything right now. Has anyone had reading-block before? Does anyone get what I’m on about?